Yes ma’am Yes Sir
Growing up, I had a mom. I also had a dad. I didn’t have a mom AND a dad; they were always two separate beings in my life. Mom. Dad. I have never known a life with my biological parents together, which weirdly enough has never been something I have dwelled on. For most people my age, having parents that are separated is a huge chapter in their life, but for me it is just how it is.
I also have another mom and another dad. I don’t like referring to them as my “stepparents” because they truly aren’t. They are my parents. They raised me, maybe not from birth, but a huge part of who I came from them too.
Yes, me having two moms and two dads is somewhat abnormal. But what makes the situation weirder is having ¾ of those parents be in the US Navy at one point or another. My mother and her husband were in the Navy for most of my life.
I didn’t have a typical childhood, but not in the normal sense of having active-duty sailors as parents. Yes, we lived in military housing, but I never had to move. The only time we did move was when they were about to retire, and we moved 40 minutes east. Most children of military parents spend a good amount of time moving across the country – or even across the globe. We didn’t though. Instead, they just hopped from MCAS Miramar to Camp Pendleton to the Naval Amphibious Base in Coronado.
I never really realized that my family situation was different from what the other kids at school got to experience until a little bit back. I remember there were months my mom and dad were gone because of a deployment or underway. I don’t necessarily have any remarkable trauma from it, but sometimes when I do think about it, I remember the feeling of missing them so dearly and not being able to run to their rooms and bother them about whatever nonsense I had going on.
The last time one of my parents went on a deployment was March 2020. This was a really weird time for me because I was not only quarantined to my house, but also, I was down a parental figure. My (step)dad left on the day of my little brother's first birthday. I was very sad about my dad being gone, but even more so I could tell my little brother was distraught, even for him being so young.
Even though there are many things I wish I could have had differently, I wouldn’t change how it all went for anything. Even though my parents were in the Navy, and there were big gaps of times spent apart, they always showed up. They made sure they were there for my silly “student of the month” awards in 4th grade and came to my violin orchestra concerts. They showed up for the small-big moments, and that's what truly matters to me.