You win some and you learn from some
You win some, you lose some. That’s the saying that gets thrown around every time a piece of life goes awry. I’ve heard it from my family, friends, teachers, and random strangers at the casino after I put $20 on black.
This past April I was going through a rough patch, I hurt someone I held close to my heart. I went absolutely fucking insane. My friends refer to it as “that one time you went into psychosis”. I couldn’t function at a normal rate, my body was always shaking, my heart rate was elevated to 130 resting, I couldn’t eat or sleep, and worst of all I couldn’t stop my mind from thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking.
I’ve always been aware that my brain can’t process loss and grief, or any negative emotion for that matter, in a rational way. I knew this well enough because for a good portion of my life I had been medicated for it. Medications for my anxiety, my anger, my depression, etc. I stopped taking my medications awhile prior to this because they didn’t make me feel like a real person. Yes, it was great that I wasn't exploding with emotions at all hours, but I felt numb. The only way to describe it was that I was floating. I wasn’t a person; I was just there.
After this event happened, I had a great idea to start therapy and go back on my daily medication, because feeling close to nothing was better than feeling at all. I have since quit taking said daily medication and doing therapy, but I digress.
When I started talking to this new therapist, I had no problem telling him about all my recent and past troubles. He had some good insight, I can admit that, but I also would think to myself “this old man can’t say anything to help my stupid 18-year-old girl problems”. Until one day he said something to me that has been a prominent thought in my head ever since.
“You win some, you learn from some”
That one-word change to the classic “you win some, you lose some” saying changed my entire perspective on life. You can never truly lose something, only learn from those mistakes. Life is one big game of figuring it the fuck out.
When I look back at “losses” I’ve had in the past, many times the only thing I can think about is “how can I change the outcome the next time something like this happens”. Time will pass and unfortunately shitty things are bound to happen, but you can only grow and better yourself as a person in that time being.